Why People Confuse Feeling with Attention
Why People Confuse Feeling with Attention
In the noise of daily life, messages, likes, conversations, and emotional tides, it’s easy to mistake attention for feeling and feeling for attention. Yet understanding the difference between the two is essential to being authentic, connecting with others, and maintaining inner clarity.
What Is Attention?
Attention is the focus of your awareness. It's the mental spotlight you direct, voluntarily or involuntarily, toward something or someone. Attention is selective, and it can be influenced by novelty, intensity, need, or habit. You give attention when you observe, listen, think, or react.
Example: When someone compliments you, your attention might linger on their tone, your appearance, or the words they used. That attention can feel intense, but it's not necessarily emotion.
What Is Feeling?
Feelings are the subjective emotional experiences that arise in response to internal or external events. They are how your body and mind register value, pain, joy, safety, or connection.
Example: After the same compliment, you might feel flattered, uncomfortable, insecure, or loved depending on context and personal history. Feeling is emotional, not analytical.
Why Do We Confuse Them?
People often confuse attention with feeling because they both activate presence. When someone pays attention to us, we feel seen, and this can trigger emotional responses. Similarly, when we feel something deeply, we tend to pay attention more sharply. The two constantly interact, but they are not the same.
Confusion arises when:
How to Separate One from the Other
Pause and ask: Am I observing, or reacting emotionally?
Notice duration: Attention is brief or shifting; feelings tend to linger or evolve.
Track source: Did this start in my head (curiosity, concern) or in my body (joy, anger)?
Reflect, don’t assume: Just because someone gives you attention doesn’t mean they feel something meaningful, and vice versa.
Does Attention Affect Authenticity?
Yes, attention can compromise authenticity when we start performing to hold it. We may shift who we are to fit what draws focus, becoming less genuine in the process. Attention is addictive; it rewards us externally but can disconnect us from internal truth.
Do Feelings Create Distance?
Surprisingly, yes, feelings can create walls. Deep emotional reactions, especially unprocessed ones, can make us retreat, lash out, or misunderstand others. Feeling hurt or misunderstood might cause us to withdraw, even from those we care about. Not all feelings guide us toward closeness; some are protective.
Tips to Stay Grounded
Practice mindfulness: Observe thoughts and emotions without judgment.
Journal separately: One section for what you noticed (attention), another for how you felt.
Ask clarifying questions: Especially in relationships” Do I feel close, or just seen?"
Set digital boundaries: social media often blurs attention and emotion, limit exposure.
Be honest with yourself: Don’t chase attention when what you truly want is connection.
Conclusion
Attention and feeling are both essential, but confusing them can distort relationships, self-perception, and communication. Attention helps us engage with the world, while feeling tells us what the world means to us. When we learn to recognize and separate the two, we not only become more authentic but also more compassionate and clearer in how we relate to others.
By honoring both, and not mistaking one for the other, we create space for deeper understanding and more genuine human connection.
Written by: MLS & PP Rosario A. Zaragoza
“If you don't speak, you would never go forward.”
Written exclusively for Master Hypnotist and Complete Mind Therapist Chuck DeBroder and Lightning Hypnosis ⚡
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